Parenting can be a tough gig sometimes. The world that our children are growing up in now is different than the one that we grew up. From cyber bullies to real life bullies, we have so much more to protect our children.

Every parent wants what is best for their children, but sometimes moms and dads take it too far. Peer pressure from other parents and over concerns about the world in general often push parents into taking excessive control over their child’s life as a way to protect them from real and perceived disadvantage.

Helicopter parenting is the name allotted to the overly protective parents who “hover” over their children. Undeniably, those children result in teenagers and adults who constantly rely on mom or dad to come to the rescue. This, parents, is a huge parenting faux pas.

I will be truthful, I am a little concerned about what all this over protective parenting means for our kids and the world that they will create as adults. After all, we will have to live in the world that will be run by the children of helicopter parents. We must start nurturing independence in our children early because our job as parents is to foster a socially, emotionally, and financially independent adult.

About the author

As former Dean of Freshmen and Undergraduate Advising at Stanford University for over a decade, Julie Lythcott-Haims saw first-hand how parental over-involvement was leading to ill-equipped young adults entering college. When she resigned from her position at Stanford in 2012, she decided to use her knowledge and experience to participate in the national conversation on how over parenting is impairing children.  Her work on helicopter parenting has appeared in Forbes and the Chicago Tribune.

About the book

The confrontational and genuine book, How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare your Kid for Success, Ms. Lythcott-Haims’ utilizes research, conversations with educators and employers, and her own perceptions as a mother and former student Dean to focus on how over parenting harms children, their parents, and society in general. While considering parental hopes and fears that often cause over assisting she proposes alternative approaches that emphasize the significance of letting children make their own mistakes. The importance of cultivating strength, creativity, and strength of character essential for success in children and teenagers is highlighted throughout the book.

Review

I found How to Raise an Adult to be very easy to read and relatable. As a mother of a teenager entering high school, I found the advice by Ms. Lythcott-Haims to be thorough and understandably needed for parents that want to raise healthy, productive adults. While reading the book, I couldn’t help but think about my daughters, her peers, and their parents. I found three specific chapter of the book especially interesting.

Our Kids Lack Basic Life Skills (Chapter 6)

In this chapter, the author talks about the life skills that all eighteen-year-olds need but, sadly most are lacking. These include skills like being able to talk to strangers; being able to manage their assignments, workload, and deadlines; and being able to handle interpersonal problems. In order for these skills to be considered “accomplished”, the teen must be able to do these without the assistance of their parents to ask how to handle it. 

I agree with most of what the author says about the young adult needing to be able to do these things. But it is also realistic to assume that most older teenagers are beginning to see their parents more as “confidants” than “fixers”.

I remember with great fondness, going to my mother or my friend’s mothers at that age and asking their advice on a whole slew of topics. I did not want or expect them to fix or take control of my situation. Ultimately, I was still in control of my decision. Now that all of these women have passed away, I wish I would have spent more time “picking their brains” about life, love, parenting, and success.

Teach Them How to Think (Chapter 15)

This chapter focuses on teaching kids how to think for themselves and make decisions at any age. The author gives examples on how to speak to preschoolers, elementary schoolers, middle schoolers, and high schoolers so that they engage in conversations to foster critical thinking skills.

Additionally, this chapter discusses ways to help elementary aged to high school-aged children to express their opinions and be challenged on what they believe; speaking for themselves; and promote positive and productive thinking.

Reclaim Yourself (Chapter 21)

Out of all of the chapters, I found this one to speak personally to me. This chapter discussed the importance of finding your passion and purpose, prioritizing health and wellness; and practicing kindness and gratitude as a way be a successful and productive parent while teaching our children the value of self-worth.

Being a woman who went from the comforts of my parent’s home to the military to being a single mother, I sometimes found myself doing things for my child before myself. While making sure that my child’s needs were met and that she was happy, I felt like the world was passing me by. But, I found out a long time ago that I needed to “get a life” and start doing things in my life that were rewarding to me personally. I knew that my daughter would see me “doing” and “becoming” things, and it would motivate her to do the same in her life. Guess what? It did.

Final Reaction

Overall, I found How to Raise an Adult to be an important book for all parents with children of toddler age to young adulthood. Parents of teenagers and those that want to ensure that the next generation of adults is capable and self-reliant to take control of their lives will find great value in this book. By offering practical tips, the book has personally inspired me to modify my parenting style to raise my teenager into an emotionally and intellectually independent adult.

Learn more about the book and the author at http://clvr.li/htraa15.

Buy the book HERE.

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I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.