A new baby has always been the beginning of an exciting chapter in my life. I should know, I have had FOUR beautiful babies in my nearly 40 years on this earth. And while many people were ready with clothes and toys when my babies were born, but many had no clue what it has been like to have a baby and suddenly be living with depression. But I’m not alone. Many new mom’s experience mild baby blues after the birth of their child but about 20 percent of these moms have lingering and more severe symptoms that require help and support.
Since the birth of my last child, I’ve been suffering from these more severe symptoms. I had Postpartum Depression (PPD) following the birth of my 2nd child. I know the triggers, so I did everything in my pregnancy to ensure that I wouldn’t be in this place. I ate right, I got enough sleep, I took my prenatal vitamins religiously, I exercised (I even completed a walking half marathon in my 3rd trimester), and I took low dose antidepressants. Even by doing everything right, I still couldn’t escape this lingering darkness. Despite how I feel, here are a few things I wish my friends and family knew about my PPD.
Dear Family and Friends:
Anxiety, irritation, fatigue, indifference, loneliness, and overstimulation are just a few things I feel every day. Postpartum Depression doesn’t have a “look,” and I don’t have to be crying or anxious to feel really sad. I have tried everything to make this go away—medications, talking, writing, exercise. It might seem irrational to you but what I’m feeling is very real for me. Please validate my feelings.
You don’t need to 100% understand what I’m going through, but please don’t make me feel worse by judging me—I judge myself hard enough. Please don’t tell me “you’re acting differently” or tell me “you’re just tired” or ‘your hormones are to blame.” Don’t tell me to “suck it up” or “get over it.” I would rather you share your own experience with PPD or depression and remind me that everything is going to be OK than ignoring me or pushing aside how I’m feeling. I know I am acting different, I know I am tired, and I know my hormones are a big part of it. Believe me, no one wants me back to normal more than I do.
I don’t always need your opinion; I just want someone to listen to me. Tell me I’m not crazy or a bad mom because the blues have outstayed their welcome. Don’t compare my postpartum experience to anyone else’s, including my own past postpartum experiences. I am older now, and I am not bouncing back quite as easily.
Somedays I have tons of energy and I can get a lot of things finished–writing, exercise, housework. Then there are other days where I am just surviving and all I want to do is shut me and baby in our room to just cuddle and nap. There is no rhyme or reason to this but it makes planning time out with friend or family difficult. I hate cancelling plans and I am constantly hoping that tomorrow will be a better day…and that you don’t stop inviting me.
Please notice the little steps that I take (getting out of the house with the baby, not being too hard on myself, etc.) and point them out. Don’t pity me. Just positively point out that I’ll find myself again and that it won’t always be like this. Just having people that I love and trust remind me that it’ll be OK sometimes is all I need.
Understand that many times I don’t feel like talking or having guests in my house. I am always tired and often anxious and sometimes irritated. I’m not ungrateful or trying to avoid you. I truly appreciate your texts, emails, and Facebook messages telling me that you care. But I regularly find myself not having the words to express myself immediately.
Even when things look like they are wonderful, I am often struggling to keep my PPD at bay. Know that every day is an ongoing struggle that I am working on but I am still me. I am not my PPD.
Love Always,
Me
