Being a mom can be hard work. There’re so many choices and responsibilities to raising a family. Something that I have realized over the past few years is the importance of having friends who are inspiring, encouraging, and caring — and being a great friend too.
Maybe you belong to a moms’ group, or you have weekly play dates with friends. Perhaps you go walking a couple of times a week with your neighbor and her toddler where you have the opportunity to talk about parenting getting some exercise in the neighborhood.
Whether you’re a new mom or an old vet like myself, you probably have been in a situation where another mom makes the rest of us feel incompetent, deliberately or not. Maybe her kids always look impeccable, she always remembers to pack snacks (and they are homemade, all natural, no sugar added, organic, and non-GMO, etc), and she always appears to have it together. Or perhaps it’s the mom that always brags about her kid’s accomplishments or hitting early milestones. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, interactions between moms can occasionally be totally dispiriting and even competitive.
As moms, we need to view other parents as contemporaries and partners in parenthood. If we function independently and not stop to assist each other, we are placing ourselves at a disadvantage. Motherhood is a serious and mutual connection we share. Here are five ways to encourage other moms and protect ourselves against disappointment.
- Motherhood is a learning game. No mom really knows what she’s doing all the time. We’re all doing the best we can, we all love our children, and we all have different weaknesses and strengths. Just because someone appears to have it all together doesn’t mean that they do. You’d be surprised to learn that that “perfect” mom suffers from the same insecurities about motherhood as you do.
- Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Work on being the the best mom you can be with your kids. It’s entirely realistic to get parenting ideas and guidance from other moms, but don’t ever compare yourself to another mom. Just because buy your children’s clothes secondhand vs. the Gap doesn’t mean you’re “not as good mom.” Everyone’s situation is different.
- Be supportive. If things are going well for you and your family, but another mom is having a challenging time, don’t boast about it. If you see another mom who needs assistance, offer them assistance. There’s always one mom who is having a challenging time. Treat other moms like you would if you saw a family member struggling, and offer to help. Your offer might just have made all the difference.
- Don’t criticize other moms. Resist the urge to say in your mind or out loud (“I would never let my kids leave the house looking like that!”) comments that can be construed as judgmental. Instead, say a few encouraging words. Even just saying, “Hang in there, toddlers can have a mind of their own! I have one at home, too ” can make all the difference to her when she is struggling to keep it together.
- Be a good example. Teach your kids to give to others, be in tuned to the needs of their friends, and to give respect. By witnessing your kindness to other moms, they’ll realize you’re an amazing mom and learn worthwhile life lessons.
So, take a couple of minutes and reach out to another and let them know they’re a great mom, and you’re there for them if they need you. You never know when such a small gesture will make someone’s day and put a smile on their face.
