Where do I find my edge? This is a question that has been plaguing me since I was asked this question in a yoga class.
The word “edge” is defined as: “the outside limit of an object, area, or surface; a place or part farthest away from the center of something.”
But in yoga, the word “edge” is defined a little differently. The edge in yoga is the point in the practice or pose when you feel mentally and physically challenged, but also able to find balance and ease by calming the mind. The edge exemplifies meeting a challenge with calmness, exploring your limits, moving past your comfort zone, and encouraging mind and body awareness. It is believed that if you can master the edge on your yoga mat, you can calmly master the edge in everyday life.
When I think back on my life, I can think of many situations and periods that I believed were my “edge.”
Going into Air Force Basic Training, I for sure though was my edge. I’d never been so sleep deprived and stressed in my life.
Being a single mom and working a full-time job without any family in-state, I thought was my edge. I’d never been so lonely and financially strapped before in my life.
Losing one of my best friends to gun violence, I thought was my edge. How can someone so good die so young?
Losing my mother before I turned 30, I thought was my edge. I’d never seen days so dark and unforgiving.
Leaving an abusive relationship when my self esteem and motivation were stripped bare, I thought was my edge. I was never so afraid to start over or be alone.
Going into Graduate School, planning two weddings, and preparing to move out of state while I was a single mom (again), I thought was my edge. I’d never been so physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted in my life. This one darn near killed me as I developed some serious health complications as a result of my stress.
Having serious health complications two days after the very difficult birth of my son, I thought was my edge. I had never been so scared that I was going to die and leave my children motherless.
Moving across the country to the big, bad, scary state of California, I thought was my edge. I’d never felt so far removed from my friends and family before. This one I got over quickly.
Falling off a cliff while hiking and needing to be air lifted the side of a mountain, I thought for sure was my edge. I literally was on the edge of a mountain. I’d never felt so scared that I wouldn’t be found.
Training for and walking a half marathon when I was eight months pregnant with my fourth child, I thought was my edge. I had never in my life wanted to accomplish something so badly that caused so much pain and discomfort. Do you know how hard it is to walk 13.1 miles when you feel like you need to pee every twelve steps?
Training for and walking in the Avon 39— a 39.3 mile breast cancer charity walk completed in two days in hilly San Francisco. I thought for sure after the tenth hill, that was my edge. I had never trained for or walked that far in my life, not to mention dealing with all those hills.
All these situations were “edges” in my life, and yet with each new challenge I pushed through it and got to the other side no matter how demanding and frightening it was to me at the time.
So, to answer the question, “where do I find my edge,” I guess I would have to say I experience it in my everyday life by just living—I live for my “edge.”
Each day, with my kids and our current family situation, I am pushed to a new edge that I never thought I would encounter. But every day, I also get on my yoga mat and work to try to endure any “edge” that life throws at me because, life is so unpredictable and fluid, but it is also so joyous and beautiful.
Someday, far down the road, I’ll be able to tell my children and grandchildren stories of reaching my “edges” both on and off the mat in hopes that it will give them the courage and the strength to carry on even when things are difficult, and they don’t feel like going any farther.
Where do you find YOUR edge? Leave a comment below.
