How is your self-control? Do you find yourself binge eating or binge shopping only to feel miserable later? What if I told you that self-control and delayed gratification was developed in childhood?

You may have heard of the marshmallow test for kids. The Marshmallow Test is one of the most famous psychological research studies with children. The study was conducted by Stanford University psychologist, Dr. Walter Mischel from 1968 to 1974 on more than 600 children at the Bing Nursery School in Pale Alto, California. The objective of the study was to define and recognize exactly how children develop the capability to delay gratification through self-control, which is believed to be an essential life skill.

The Experiment

In the experiment, each child was placed in a room and presented a marshmallow. The child was told that they could have one marshmallow whenever they wanted but if they waited patiently for the researcher to return, they would get a second marshmallow to eat.

The researcher left the room for fifteen minutes and studied the children’s reactions. About one-third of the children ate the marshmallow instantly. Another one-third of the children delayed eating the marshmallow three minutes on average by sniffing it or singing before they finally gave in and ate it. The remaining children were restless, scowled, frolicked, and one child even took a nap as they waited for the researcher to reappear as instructed. As a reward, the children received a second marshmallow, and the researchers gained a higher understanding on human self-control.

The Results

When the researchers performed follow-up studies years later on the children who waited for the second marshmallow, their findings were remarkable.  The children who waited had a lower BMI, coped with stress better, had better relationships, fewer issues with substance abuse, and had higher SAT scores than the children who did not wait.

Gratification in the 21^st Century

With the advent of the internet and smartphones, instant gratification has run rampant. Kids and adults alike are tempted daily to push aside self-control and instantly gratify our urges and desires.

When we raise children, there are many lessons we need to teach them. We need to teach them academics, virtues, manners, and values so that they can develop into productive adult members of society. But we also need to teach them about delayed gratification.

Like the children in the experiment, kids are constantly being tempted to satisfy instantly their wants and desires versus putting in the hard work or waiting for the real reward. Kids may be tempted to cheat on a test, steal a toy from a friend, or even lie to an adult or parent. It is at this young age that we can have the most influence on our children’s’ lives. We can educate and guide our children when to give in to and when resist temptation.

As adults, we may have had to make decisions that test our ability to delay gratification as well. In our careers, there may be moments when we are offered a better paying job. But the job that pays more money might not always be the job we should take. Maybe promotion at the current job is just months away, or the new position may challenge our beliefs.

Or maybe you have decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle and are tempted by the dessert table at a social gathering. You might think that a little nibble won’t hurt your diet or maybe that you should have an impromptu “cheat day” and resume your diet in the morning. The next morning comes, and you find out how difficult it is to resume a healthy lifestyle after having a taste of that cake.  All your hard work went down the drain with that seemingly small indulgence.

There are many times where what seems like the right decision in the spur of the moment, might not be the most advantageous decision in the long run. But if we can practice self-control and limit our instant gratification, we are teaching our children a valuable life lesson that will shape and mold how they make choices in the future.

How do you teach your children self-control?